Recently the world of Islamic Dawa – in the English speaking world has been set ablaze amidst claim and counter claim; as a now world famous Muslim Da’ii is engulfed in allegations of having a secret Misyar marriage; and then counter claims have been placed against the accusers. To those outside of the world of Dawa; this all takes on the feel of a big brotheresque drama; which is like a real life comic tragedy. It also presents to Christians doing work amongst Muslims and non Muslims (in their orbit) an opportunity to do evangelism – whilst their ranks are in disarray. However; amidst this melodrama, some serious issues could be being missed – which I hope to write about here. The article will not speak on the allegations against famous figures or discuss the allegations; but rather compare Misyar marriage to Christian marriage; as a way in to highlight fundamental differences between Islam and Christianity.
Misyar marriage is not – as some less well read Christian polemicists claim – a temporary marriage; or at least it is not mean to be; and so it is not to be confused with Mutah marriages; Misyar marriages assume a state of permanence; but they differ from a standard marriage; as a women voluntarily gives us some of her normative rights within the marriage contract of Niqah. Due to this sorry state usually the victims of a misyar marriage – are converts; and the previously married; with children. I say victims because of my first criticism of this legitmate Islamic marriage; only women, surrender their rights within a Misyar marriage; men do not; and this draws out a fundamental difference between Christianity and Islam; that people are not equal; in fact Islam assumes a pyramid of worth; in which at every level (as peoples of different religions inhabit different levels) – women are placed beneath men; and this is expressed clearly within marriage; and inheritance; and punishments! I can give other examples like the price of blood money paid for Christians viz a vie Muslims; or between male and female at different ranks.
Christians – as is probably the most central value – and the most impactful of Christians values, believe in the equal dignity of all people – every individual; apart from religion, apart gender, or race; due to their creation in the image of GOD; see Genesis chapter one. This has been one of the key values, that had most impact on our classical Liberal world; though now it is being disregarded by the progressive cultists. This leads to two very different concepts of law; one in which all are equal under the law (a Christian ideal) and one in which people are treat differently under the law (and Islamic concept). Christian marriage – assumes a normative set of values – and narrative – to govern the marriage; that applies to all marriages.
Misyar marriage itsself a subset of polygamous marriages; again, something only men can participate within – according to Islam; which for a Christian; is just legalised fornication – Christians restrict marriage – to one man and one women; as Christians hold that Christ is restoring the fallen order – to a pre fallen state; and since GOD only made Adam and Eve; and not Adam and Eve; and Jessica, and Lauren, Aisha, and Fatima; then; Polygamy, even when seen in the Old Testament; is due to the sinfulness in the hardness of men’s hearts. Christian marriage – assumes that – ‘two shall become one flesh’ not five or any other number! Polygamy – something increasing practised in the UK; though Liberal authorities turn a blind eye to it; despite the widespread benefits fraud that often accompanies it, is illegal in the UK (another vestige of our Christian past); is rooted in an intrinsic injustice against women; whom at the very best – can only hope to get one 1/4 of their mans time and attention; and ultimately must compete for his affections; and fear – falling out of favour with him to one of the other wives. What a wound it must be to each wife, to hear – she is not sufficient to her husband and that he – is taking another wife! Christianity however, creates a parity between a man and a women; as the example of the elders of the Church is held aloft – that he be a ‘man of only one wife’. Christ our example – as we will see in Ephesians having only one wife – the church – His bride; being one!
Misyar marriage is given the following justifications in Islamic circles; amongst others; and I would like to discuss each one of them in turn:
- Increase in the number of single women who are unable to get married, because young men are put off marriage due to the high cost of dowries and the costs of marriage, or because there is a high divorce rate. In such circumstances, some women will agree to be a second or third wife and to give up some of their rights.
- Some women need to stay in their family home, either because they are the only care-givers for family members, or because the woman has a handicap and her family do not want the husband to be burdened with something he cannot bear, and he stays in touch with her without having to put too great a burden on himself, or because she has children and cannot move with them to her husband’s house, and other reasons.
- Some married men want to keep some women chaste because they need that, or because they need variety and halal pleasure, without that affecting the first wife and her children.
- In some cases a husband may want to conceal his second marriage from his first wife, for fear of the consequences that may result and affect their relationship.
- The man travels often to a certain place and stays there for lengthy periods. Undoubtedly staying there with a wife is safer for him than not doing so.
– Islam QA Fatwa 82390
The idea that you would argue, for a deficient marriage – one of less rights because of ‘high divorce rates’ or as a way of not giving a women her due; say in the dowry, (a questionable practice in any case); demonstrates, the structural imbalances within Islamic culture – that disenfranchises women and leads to their disadvantage. Why instead; not attempt to solve the problems of the high divorce rates; in normal marriages, rather that use this as justification for creating unfair and unbalanced marriages! The fact that – unlike in Christianity – where singleness is permitted, esteemed and valued – see Corinthians; in Islam; it is almost a point of social embarrassment to be single. Christians however, value singleness as much a gift from GOD as being married. The assumptions behind this reasoning are entirely male.
The idea that couples need to be apart; is not problematic; this is sometimes a reality for all couples Christians as well; and their really is no criticism here; apart from the fact; that to formalise it – a normative element of the marriage; shows the ridiculous nature of the contractual understanding of marriage within Islam. Christians – by contrast see the marriage – as a covenant; and as such; it is a journey to be undertaken by the man and the women; that waxes and wanes through the bludgeoning of chance or blessings of GOD’s favour; the husband and wife and navigate all terrains together; even when apart for some reason; but their is no sense of ‘normalising’ a loss of standard rights or diminishment of dignity. The idea of covenant over contract is clearly a ‘narrative’ within which to frame marriage; that avoids, this kind of reasoning.
The idea that men are out of charity – marrying women to keep them chaste – is quite hilarious, whilst I do not doubt the reality and presence of a females sex drive as any less voracious as that of a mans; lets be clear; this is as much about what the man wants/needs as the women; and when you think upon that; this means that one of the reasons for a misyar marriage is to surrender to lust or desire – something not entirely alien to Christianity; remember Paul said ‘if you burn – then marry’; but the idea that then proceeds from this – because men need variety; and halal pleasure; shows that this really is just a licence for fornication; it is just a legitimisation of sleeping around; a surrender to the ‘nafs’ (as muslims say in Arabic) or base desires; in other words an unjust (because it is an affront to GOD – and because women – whilst having the same needs for variety; have no means to engineer there way to it; unlike the Muslim man; who has misyar marriage.) means of legitimising male lust fulfilment; nothing of this speaks of the chastity or virtue, that is cultivated in a firm commitment to monogamous marriage; which forces man and women equally, to keep a cap of their sexual appetites for variety and change; which forces the covenantal partnership; to build more on their love for one another than their sexual passions. Misyar marriage, shows essentially Islam’s inability to constraint a man’s nafs; whilst seemingly delusional pretending women do not have the same desires.
By far the most damming of all the justifications given for Misyar marriage; the right to keep it secret; this shows, the consent of the first wife is not required in Islam to take a second; again, showing the privileged position of men over women in this way; but also showing that is simply a licenced means of adultery within Islam. What else can it be called – if you are sleeping with another women; that your wife does not know about it! I would also like to point out the potential for non consensual transmission of sexually infectious diseases, between wives; which poses a risk to women’s health. Christian marriages simply have none of these ethical issues, marriage is between one man and one women; and each has the right over the others body – indeed the fathers discourage us from adultery, by pointing out that our body belongs to our spouse. Interestingly, this idea of ownership of one another’s body; gave women a radical equality with men; unheard of in the classical Roman world; and it was the Christian formation of marriage; that was the chief vehicle of improving the rights of women in the Roman world; before which – they were barely considered people in their own right; something echoed in Islam’s ‘wahli’ concept; in which the guardian of the women, in addition to the women, must also consent to the marriage – as the women is not able to consent alone! Many a women are fooled into thinking their Muslim suitor is being romantic – when the Muslim man insists on asking their father – for permission to marry them; but they do not understand the actual sinister undertone of such a move; they are doing so; because he does not believe you can answer for yourself; about who you sleep with; as a women – EVER! Christianity; did inherit this attitude; and it did carry over into Christian culture – however, the marriage ceremony, is predicated on female consent; when in the ceremony she does; even against her fathers wishes – which makes sense; when you remember Christianity; was an insurgent movement at its birth; thus couples would marry as Christians; even when their parents opposed the marriage. Furthermore; the justification for keeping a misyar marriage from your first wife; is precisely because; by letting her know – would harm your first ‘marriage’; thus it is clear that this line of reasoning assumes a women’s objection to the second marriage! This again, shows clearly their lower status; their inferior rights to the man. Christianity offers women no such insecurity; their one husband, is bound to them to the exclusion of all other women, whether they desire them or not! Monogamous marriages – protect women from the abuses of Misyar marriages!
We find it particularly galling; that Muslims Da’ii like those who have faced accusations of secret misyar marriages; have espoused a narrative; that Islam, forbids vice and promotes virtue, and that Islam; is the answer to the degeneracy of the western Liberalism; but whilst we agree – the west is degenerate; we hardly find an improvement in Islam; it is just degeneracy light!
The final reason is a repeat of the ‘halal pleasure reason’ and is connected to the idea of a man not needing to be chaste – when his life demands he lives away from his wife for long periods – a position Christian men can find themselves in – but unlike the Christian man; who has the personal responsibility to remain chaste; and faithful to his wife; a muslim man; unlike his wife – who is also suffering from his absence for long periods; can simply have a misyar marriage; a ‘hotel marriage’ if you will; in other words, surrendering to the nafs; to vice; erstwhile thinking himself righteous – because it is a ‘misyar marriage’; with or without the secrecy – this is just a mistress; a booty call! This reasoning shows the deprivation women are subject to under Islamic law, but in a Christian marriage, both he man and the women, would share the same equal burden of chastity and safeguarding the marriage bed.
One more things is disturbing about the whole issue of Misyar marriages is that when you dig deep into this most fundamental of questions – about who you can and can’t sleep with; and under what circumstances; you find evidence – of scholarly agreement – in the perfected religion; in the religion that is clear guidance! So for instance I quote from the aforementioned fatwa:
‘Some of those who said that it was permissible have retracted that view. Among the most prominent scholars who said that it was permissible were Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Aziz ibn Baz and Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Aziz Al al-Shaykh; and among the most prominent scholars who said that it was permissible and then retracted it was Shaykh al-‘Uthaymin; among the most prominent scholars who said that it is not allowed at all was Shaykh al-Albani.’
Scholars – are not clear as to whether it is halal or haram; to sleep with other women and not tell your first wife! How can this be! How is this clear guidance? How is this a perfected religion? The reasons why some scholars retracted their opinion is not because Misyar marriage is prohibited in and of itself – but because of the harm it does to society and women and how it can be so easily ‘gamed’ by corrupt men; which is an admission; that Islam is permitting harm, and evil! Christianity however; avoids this
Christianity in the Apostolic teaching offers women a better deal by far; I want to explain how by picking one of the two main passages that talks on marriage at length. The primary point of this text to note is that it creates an analogous relationship between the covenantal marriage between man and women and the covenantal relationship between Christ and His Church; often likened to a marriage in the scriptures. This is already a far firmer footing – as noted earlier, this is not some trivial civic contract but rather a deeper more poignant expression of a profound commitment to one another.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord 23
Triggering to feminists the world over I am sure; however biblical teaching is clear and unambiguous – male headship – of the household is assumed and expected in Christian homes. Some men, do seek to abuse this verse; reading it in isolation; but most commentators would agree that male authority in the home is not absolute, but framed; within the very paradigm of passage, which, can be somewhat summarised by adding the words in brackets (in all godly things) at the end of the verse. That being said the man should set the strategic vision for his household; and in so far as it is godly the wife should follow and assist in making it happen
- Our teacher; Jerome said this: ‘The union of Christ and the church is holy. So is the proper union of husband and wife holy. Just as a congregation of heretics, however, cannot rightly be called the church of Christ and cannot have Christ as its head, so it is that a union between husband and wife cannot be truly called holy if there is a disregard for the way of life taught by Christ.’
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Here the reason for male headship is put beyond the arguments about culture, or the protests of offended feminists; it is rooted in the very analogous relationship of covenant between Christ and Church to man and women. Christ – has rescued his bride – this is not to say that husband is to rescue his wife (spiritually – she is saved by the same Christ) but that the husband is concerned for the well being of his wife in all temporal matters, and seeks to preserve her unto the Lord. This does draw out a pastoral concern; that many men in the church – are unfit – for this high office; due to their weak temperament; or due to the legalistic minds! Husbands must think of their wives as their own bodies – and as such; care for them, as if caring for themselves!
For the husband is the head of the wife. Though St. Paul here speaks of a man, who is a husband, we may rather translate man than husband, being the same sentence and same words as 1 Corinthians xi. 3… He (Christ) is the saviour of his mystical body, the Church: though some expound it, that the husband is to save and take care of his wife, who is as it were his body. (Witham)
- George Leo Haydock
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Again a verse – if used in isolation upon the ignorant; that would be ripe for abuse; and the justification of tyranny; however Paul is considering an idealistic relationship in his argument. That of a Christlike husband to a holy church. Christ can be trusted and obeyed for all good things come from his hand; He is righteousness and godliness embodied; and so implication is again in all godly things, wife must follow her husband. The church is held, contained, secured in Christ, which is her grounding; so a husband must be the grounding and security of his wife.
Our teacher Abriosiaster said this: ‘Here is Paul’s analogy: As the church takes its beginning from Christ and therefore is subject to him, so too does woman take hers from the man and is subject to him. There is a crucial difference, however, between Christ and the church as opposed to man and woman. The essential difference is that the woman is of the same nature as the man. The church, on the other hand, can participate in Christ in name but not in nature.’
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Consider well husbands all the blessings, beauty, care, and perfections bestowed on the church by Christ – and remember well, that your love is to of like passion; though it can not be the same in kind – (this is only an analogy after all) it can be of the same passion. You can and should pour yourself out for your wife, building her up in godliness, leading her from harm, providing for her physical and emotional needs as Christ – meets the spiritual needs of the church. The men of the Church should be willing to give their lives for the temporal needs of their wives, when such as life is at stake! However, a man can not provide for the spiritual needs of his wife, as to GOD as end, because these can only be met in Christ. However; as we in our best thoughts imagine – Christ loves and builds up HIs church – so we must in an analogous way in all temporal way build up our wives!
Our teacher Chrysostom said this: ‘You have heard how great the submission; you have extolled and marvelled at Paul, how, like an admirable and spiritual man, he welds together our whole life. Thou did well. But now hear what he also requires at your hands; for again he employs the same example. Husbands, says he, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church. You have seen the measure of obedience, hear also the measure of love. Would you have your wife obedient unto you, as the Church is to Christ? Take then yourself the same provident care for her, as Christ takes for the Church. Yea, even if it shall be needful for you to give your life for her, yea, and to be cut into pieces ten thousand times, yea, and to endure and undergo any suffering whatever—refuse it not. Though you should undergo all this, yet will you not, no, not even then, have done anything like Christ. For thou indeed art doing it for one to whom you are already knit; but He for one who turned her back on Him and hated Him. In the same way then as He laid at His feet her who turned her back on Him, who hated, and spurned, and disdained Him, not by menaces, nor by violence, nor by terror, nor by anything else of the kind, but by his unwearied affection; so also do thou behave yourself toward your wife. Yea, though thou see her looking down upon you, and disdaining, and scorning you, yet by your great thoughtfulness for her, by affection, by kindness, you will be able to lay her at your feet. For there is nothing more powerful to sway than these bonds, and especially for husband and wife. A servant, indeed, one will be able, perhaps, to bind down by fear; nay not even him, for he will soon start away and be gone. But the partner of one’s life, the mother of one’s children, the foundation of one’s every joy, one ought never to chain down by fear and menaces, but with love and good temper. For what sort of union is that, where the wife trembles at her husband? And what sort of pleasure will the husband himself enjoy, if he dwells with his wife as with a slave, and not as with a free-woman? Yea, though you should suffer anything on her account, do not upbraid her; for neither did Christ do this.’
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
Our Lord entered into our death and joined us to himself there in the waters of Baptism; it is there – the fathers teach – we are washed of our sin; by the work of Christ; and so a husband – must join himself to all the wounds and faults and failings of his wife; and be a minister to her healing and concern for her growth in the Lord, with kindly encouragement, gentle rebuke, loving words of solace; and wise counsel. By this ministering; he helps her to grow and is a vehicle of her sanctification; and as he is joined to her, she too; ministers to him; from her womanly station a grace that leads to his sanctification; and thus in the union and mutual ministering of the two each in the covenant of marriage finds a college of love, that prepares their souls in love to be worthy of Christ.
Our teacher Gaius Marius Victorinus said this: ‘Here we take “the church” to mean every believer and everyone who has received baptism. The believer is brought to faith by the washing in water and the invocation of the Word. But how is this applied to a husband’s conduct toward his wife? This is not entirely clear. One possible view is that the mystery of baptism is being rehearsed in this metaphor. On the other hand, if we refer this to the endurance of the husband, which entails his giving himself for the wife and bearing and suffering all that is hers, even sharing in all that she endures, she is being cleansed with water and the Word—that is, she is being purified in the Lord’s sight when he renders her pure and by his endurance makes her ready to be sanctified by washing and the Word.’
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Here is a clear grounds in scripture against wife beating (something explicitly sanctioned in Islam and the hadiths and the books of fiqh); a man is to present his wife before the Lord with physical blemish; in other words he must tend to her physical health and not be a harm to it! He must build her up; and preserve her from sin; he must care for her spiritual needs doing all that he can to ‘lead her not into temptation but deliver her from evil’. Do you see now, male headship is not some excuse for male tyranny; a Christian husband, has the right to lead, for he must preserve, protect, build up, nourish, encourage, support, persevere, endure and persist; in serving and healing and fighting for his wife’s success in the Lord. A man can expect nothing from his wife – that he has not enabled and empowered her to provide! This also encourages to look beyond the outward to the inward beauty of our spouses, one of the causes of Misyar marriage I am sure – as beauty is fleeting, making men seek ‘variety and halal pleasure’.
Chrysostom our teacher said this: ‘By the washing or laver He washes her uncleanness. By the word, says he. What word? In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Matthew 28:19 And not simply has He adorned her, but has made her glorious, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing. Let us then also seek after this beauty ourselves, and we shall be able to create it. Seek not thou at your wife’s hand, things which she is not able to possess. Do you see that the Church had all things at her Lord’s hands? By Him was made glorious, by Him was made pure, by Him made without blemish? Turn not your back on your wife because of her deformity. Hear the Scripture that says, The bee is little among such as fly, but her fruit is the chief of sweet things. Sirach 11:3 She is of God’s fashioning. Thou reproachest not her, but Him that made her; what can the woman do? Praise her not for her beauty. Praise and hatred and love based on personal beauty belong to unchastened souls. Seek thou for beauty of soul. Imitate the Bridegroom of the Church. Outward beauty is full of conceit and great license, and throws men into jealousy, and the thing often makes you suspect monstrous things. But has it any pleasure? For the first or second month, perhaps, or at most for the year: but then no longer; the admiration by familiarity wastes away. Meanwhile the evils which arose from the beauty still abide, the pride, the folly, the contemptuousness. Whereas in one who is not such, there is nothing of this kind. But the love having begun on just grounds, still continues ardent, since its object is beauty of soul, and not of body. What better, tell me, than heaven? What better than the stars? Tell me of what body you will, yet is there none so fair. Tell me of what eyes you will, yet are there none so sparkling. When these were created, the very Angels gazed with wonder, and we gaze with wonder now; yet not in the same degree as at first. Such is familiarity; things do not strike us in the same degree. How much more in the case of a wife! And if moreover disease come too, all is at once fled. Let us seek in a wife affectionateness, modest-mindedness, gentleness; these are the characteristics of beauty. But loveliness of person let us not seek, nor upbraid her upon these points, over which she has no power, nay, rather, let us not upbraid at all, (it were rudeness,) nor let us be impatient, nor sullen. Do ye not see how many, after living with beautiful wives, have ended their lives pitiably, and how many, who have lived with those of no great beauty, have run on to extreme old age with great enjoyment. Let us wipe off the spot that is within, let us smooth the wrinkles that are within, let us do away the blemishes that are on the soul. Such is the beauty God requires. Let us make her fair in God’s sight, not in our own. Let us not look for wealth, nor for that high-birth which is outward, but for that true nobility which is in the soul. Let no one endure to get rich by a wife; for such riches are base and disgraceful; no, by no means let any one seek to get rich from this source. For they that desire to be rich, fall into a temptation and a snare, and many foolish and hurtful lusts, and into destruction and perdition. 1 Timothy 6:9 Seek not therefore in your wife abundance of wealth, and you shall find everything else go well. Who, tell me, would overlook the most important things, to attend to those which are less so? And yet, alas! This is in every case our feeling. Yes, if we have a son, we concern ourselves not how he may be made virtuous, but how we may get him a rich wife; not how he may be well-mannered, but well-monied: if we follow a business, we enquire not how it may be clear of sin, but how it may bring us in most profit. And everything has become money; and thus is everything corrupted and ruined, because that passion possesses us.’
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.
What man would abuse himself, or neglect himself, or harm himself; how much more we are to believe a compliment about ourselves than an insult; well, then in all things, treat fairly your own wife, as if you were treating an extension of your own body; seeking to perfect and cultivate without neglect or abuse! We must cleave to our wives as something inseparable, this again rules out emotional or physical abuse of the wife, or abandonment, no, we must do that which nourishes and exercises our wives in way that perfects them; sustains them and keeps them healthy and well and whole and secure. Warmed at night, fed each day, adorned in vestments that dignify and enhance, loved always and strengthened within and without. Men only have one body to love – and so they can have only one wife to love! The church is the ‘bones of my bones’ of Christ; and so the wife is to be considered as such as such by the husband; ‘bones of my bones’.
George Leo Haydock said this: ‘He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. St. Paul would have this a love like that which a man hath for himself, or for his own flesh, when they are now joined in wedlock, and are become as it were one flesh and one person, as to a civil life and society. See Matthew xix. 5. The wife is to be considered as a part of the husband, as a member of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. The words are to be taken with an allusion to what Adam said, (Genesis ii. 23.) This is now bone of my bones And so, according to the apostle, speaking figuratively, the Church, which is the spouse of Christ, is framed as it were of his bones and of his flesh sacrificed on the cross. (Witham)’
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:
Christ takes great care over the spiritual salvation of the church; and so men must take great care of the physical preservation of their wives. The man can (if he is following the apostolic teaching) no more hate or harm or bring to harm or allow to be harmed his own wife, than he would his own flesh! He must love his wife as he loves himself; and so we see in marriage a special application of Christ’s teachings; love your neighbour as you love yourself; and do unto other what you would have them do unto you! Do you want a wife who is faithful, then be faithful, do you want an honest wife, then be honest, do you want a loving wife, then be loving; all the good you would want your wife to show you – show to her – and yes this even applies in submission; as you must submit – your needs to hers, your body to her as it is not yours but hers, and minister to her, as she ministers to you! Clearly this ethic, establishes a higher dignity for women and protection for women than misyar marriage does for the poor muslimas – do you see – Muslimas, you would be better basing your Niqah; on Christian marriage; than accepting Islamic norms; like demanding a commitment to monogamy; and a refusal of secret marriages. Though in truth it would just be better for you to run away and find a Christian man to marry!
‘It is all too evident that our bodies have many defects. One is lame, one has crooked feet, another a withered hand, each a weakness in a different member. Nevertheless the person does not complain or cut off the defect. Rather he often treats it better than the other members—and all this quite reasonably, since it is his own. ‘
- John Chrysostom
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Christian marriage is the joining of more than two social lives, but of the spiritual union of their bodies; as we become one with Christ in the new covenant; men and women in marriage; become one flesh, and in their children this is quite literal; the sacrament of marriage is expressed in the physical union between the two! It is not some social contract that is simply dissolved by the pronouncement of divorce; the point of marriage is to create a stable home into which life – new life, is to be brought in abundance. Divorce, another of Islam similarities with the degeneracy of Liberal culture, is permitted; and it is this familial break down – which seems to be the primary engine of Misyar marriages – Christianity, holds marriage to be in virtually most cases indissoluble – and as such – men and women must work out their differences, find a way through, maintain the sanctity of their vows and press forward to the Lord through all their circumstances; in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer; until death do they part.
‘The same allegorical interpretation applies both to Christ and to the church, that Adam is to prefigure Christ and Eve the church. For “the last Adam was made a lifegiving spirit.” Just as the whole human race is born from Adam and his wife, so the whole multitude of believers has been born of Christ and the church.’
- Jerome
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she respect her husband.
Note the mutuality of the Christian marriage, the sense of a virtues circle of one serving the other – though sometimes in different ways; this is the nature of the covenantal relationship between Christ and His Church in the New Covenant; between husband and wife in the marriage covenant. The two can not be mapped over one another – as if they function in like manner, but are analogous to one another; having some areas of overlap; but being fundamentally different. This is nothing like the concept of marriage in Islam – that is contractual, and is clearly designed to facilitate the mans needs, wants and desires, even at the expense of the women’s!
Men must love their wives as they loved themselves, the good, they want for themselves is the good they should pursue for their wives. This is at the heart of the marriage; the man’s love of his wife – as if an extension of himself; in like manner; the Church is an extension of her Lord; being an extension of His own body. Men – being men, need to know they are respected in a relationship; and a women must do this from her own obedience to GOD; not because of some stature, or accomplishment of man; no – but out of her love for Christ who so her bids! ‘respect your husband’.
‘Already he has given instructions generally to men concerning their wives and to women concerning their husbands. He now applies the same principles specifically to the Ephesians…. He has added the connecting word however. This shows that even as Christ and the church are one body, so are husband and wife one flesh. The husband’s maxim is to love his wife as if she were his own flesh.’
- Gaius Marias Victorinus
Christianity offers you Muslimah’s a better deal – my advice to you is to find a Christian man to marry, or to make your marriage Nikah as close to a Christian marriage as you can negotiate.
